How was April for you? Me? Oh, I spent the entire month tatting and also I received some life crushing news.
Firstly, it was the same old myof*!#ingfascial pain (MPS). This round, it was the worst pain I've ever had. I say that each time don't I? It was relentless. Every single day. Neck and shoulder. Neck and shoulder. Over and over. Of course I took painkillers. But the pain stays. Seeing how I maaay (touch wood) have some kidney issues, I really wanted to not reach for painkillers so easily. Which is easier said than done but yes, I tried. I needed something to do that requires a lot of attention to keep me occupied so I won't think of the pain and tatting fits the bill. It's quite hard (for me) and you really need to focus. I did some needle tatting (quite new to me) and some shuttle tatting.
What changed?
Ironically, the last week of April I suddenly recovered from the stupid MPS. Like no pain at all. Nothing. Of course another cycle of pain will eventually come but that's for future me to handle. Anyways, I was so happy with myself I even worked on my complicated lace scarf and completed 2 charts.
Then on 27 of April, I was at a coffee shop having milk tea and chicken wings - a very late lunch. Hubs called me out of the blue and said he wanted to come and meet me. I was very surprised since to my knowledge, he had gone to the office. I waited quite a while for him to show up. Later he said he missed the train stop and had to travel back. I was 3/4 through my meal when he arrived. He was dressed in singlet and shorts like he was going for a run or something. Very confusing. Apparently, he had gone home first and when he saw I wasn't home, decided to come meet me. Oh how romantic, I thought.
So I was in the middle of chewing on a piece of chicken wing when he informed me rather calmly he had lost his job. I almost choked. What? He lost his job? The current designation he's had for the past 4 years + another 14 years with the same company in another role, so a grand total of 18 years. The job that he thought he was going to work at until his retirement in 3 years when he hits 63 or even better 64 as the retirement age was raised recently. All of a sudden I lost my appetite. My stomach knotted up and ... well, none of that is important. What's important is he lost his job. And now I'm losing my freaking mind.
So what happened? Obviously I'm not going into details right? The loss of his income is going to have a huge impact on our lives. Honestly, I was devastated. I asked hubs why he's so calm about it and he said he wanted to be strong for me.
It's been a week since and we've had time to digest the bad news. Hubs is still calm so I think he's in shock. Maybe he'll lose his shit one of these days. I kinda feel hubs is a bit lost. Previously he was always working. Morning, noon and night. Now he has nothing but time....
For the moment, hubs says he's retired. I can't blame him. It's a tough economy right now. Plus he's old. Will we be able to cope without his income? Both of us are a few years away from the age when we're able to get monthly payout from our annuity insurance. Hubs has 5 more years while I have 3 more years. My payout is a lot less than his but once we have both payouts, zero income is actually doable. It won't be a luxurious life but we'll definitely not starve. Meanwhile, there are 5 more years to fill. Suddenly I wish we were older.
I've cried a bit a few times. I guess I'm grieving the loss of my previous fabulous life. I know, I'm still only thinking of myself. But I'm not going to cry anymore. Mostly because a few days ago I suddenly lost my hearing in my good ear. Some of you may know I only have one good ear. I went crazy when it happened and all sorts of worst case scenarios went through my head and I started crying. Then hubs reminded me it's probably due to my sinus (yes, this has happened a few times before) and I started sniffling to check my nose. You know what? He was right. I couldn't even tell my nose was blocked. So I took some unblocking nose medication and later, while I was in the shower I suddenly felt my nose unblocking and behold. I could hear! I could hear! So that's why I won't cry anymore because crying can cause my nose to block up and really, I don't need another problem in my life right this moment. So no tears for Jane.
I've started implementing some cutting of costs especially when it comes to food because no money no honey. Maybe I went a bit overboard because hubs reminded me we're not destitute. I did grumble a bit too much once when he indulged in a $2.80 chendol dessert. Lol, I think after working hard for a few decades, the man deserves a $2.80 chendol anytime he wants.
I've gone through our monthly expenses and what a relief we have no mortgage and zero debts. We use public transport and our main costs are food, utilities, insurance, phone, tax, estate maintenance fee and air con maintenance fee. Maybe we don't need to maintain the air con? Other costs that may crop up are replacement of electrical appliances.
I need to keep reminding myself we're not penniless. But as I often don't react well to changes and bad news, I find myself all over the place, feeling very insecure and not sure what to do next.
There's one piece of good news, sort of. I lost weight. I finally went below 60kg. In the past, no matter how I tried I simply never went below 60kg. Just one piece of bad news and the weight went down just like that. And it's been a few days and the weight loss stayed so don't say it's water loss. Hubs too lost a bit of weight. So that's the only good thing that happened. If our weight loss continues, we might both become thin and sexy. So look out world.
Alright, I'll stop writing now. It's been exhausting and traumatic. Hopefully I have something positive to write about in my next post.
By the way, April 2026, you suck.
