Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Three tests and guess what I'm sending by post?


Remember in September (here) when my hearing went all awry. Well it's about 95% back to normal again except for a ghost of shrillness now and then which I can totally live with. It got me thinking. This is a warning bell. My body is breaking down. I'm getting old. I have to be more proactive in taking care of my health.

I have been procrastinating and never got round to going for three tests which I am long overdue for this year. Somehow there will always be something more important for me to do and the three dreaded tests kept getting kicked to the back of the queue. The hearing thingy... that was the kick in the butt I needed.

The first test.
Well, well, well. What have we here? Want to know what's in the envelope? If you answer yes, you'll be very sorry.

I shall tell you anyway. Heard of the test called FIT? Me neither. My mother has from time to time mentioned to me about her going to collect a kit at the clinic, going to the toilet and getting my brother to post an envelope for her. Somehow I never managed to put all the information together to comprehend what she was saying. Now I do.

FIT stands for Faecal Immunochemical Test. Need I say more? Yes, you send your poop in the envelope to the test center. Well, at first, that's what I thought. Like how gross. But you don't exactly send a lot. The kit has a little stick and you jab at your thingys and then you put the stick in a tube containing chemical and shake it all up.

I shan't tell you how hard it was to collect the sample. (It was very hard. How do I catch it? The reflex required... the gross factor...) You have to send two samples over a period of one week.

The Second Test.
This test, called the pap smear I've done before several times. It's nerve wrecking. Firstly, you need to be alfresco. Secondly, I only trust one man with my privates. He is the man who delivered my two babies. Unfortunately, he has also become popular with stars, celebrities and daughters of millionaires. So he has become expensive. Today I went for this test at the Cancer Society and it was free. My doctor is a female and amazingly she managed to make me laugh. So it was not too bad. Okay, maybe just a little bad. While I was there, she did a clinical breast exam as well. She said she did not detect any abnormal stuff. Is it wrong that the breast exam felt rather nice!

The Third Test.
I haven't gone for the third test but I will. It is the mammogram. This month happened to be Breast Cancer Awareness month in Singapore so it is extremely hard to get an appointment for a mammogram. I will keep calling the hotline though.

I have done this test before a long time ago. It was traumatizing. My chest is flat as a runway so the technicians have a hard time squeezing my thingys in the right position. I am so not looking forward to being squeezed.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed all my results will come back "perfectly normal". Have you done these three tests before?


Christel Goh said...

I've never heard of the first test! >.< Hope all your tests turn out fine. :)

Projects By Jane said...

Christel, the first test is for, um... old people. That's why you've never heard of it.

Sandra :) said...

Old person signing in - I did the first test this year - UGHHHH. I'm glad it's over with - it's a rather gross test, eh? But VERY important, so we have to do it when they ask us to. I was mortified walking into the doctor's office with my envelope (double wrapped in plastic bags!). Mine came back negative, so I'm good to go (hehe). The second test - I'm lucky that I have a female doctor so it's not too bad. Just close your eyes during the breast exam - you can pretend it's hubby, haha. The third one - I've been putting that off because getting to the clinic is kind of a PITA, but I'm not worried about the test - it doesn't hurt - I've had it done before. My mom had breast cancer so I need to be on the ball with this one.

And when they're over and done with and you get all negative results, you'll feel very good - for at least a year (or more)!

Maria said...

Your post had me in stitches. I love your sense of humor. I haven't heard of the first one. I'm due for a pap smear right about now. I have one every two years done by a really nice female doctor but still don't like having to reveal all and I had my mammogram about a month ago. Hate having it done because it's uncomfortable. I've been having regular screening after a lump was found but is benign. I was going every three months now I'm on six months and after my next scan if all is well it will be a yearly visit. Why is it women have to go through the most degrading tests? One things for sure I'll be thinking of what you said next time I go for my smear test. LOLLL

pennydog said...

Pap tests are compulsory every 3 years in the UK, I really don't see why we can't do the tests ourselves it's always horrible.

Linda said...

Ha ha! There are so many tests out there. I'm convinced that some doctors stay awake at night coming up with ways to humiliate and inflict pain!

tammy said...

Unfortunately, I've had all of these tests at one point or another. I tell myself "It's good for me, better to find out now if something's wrong before it's too late." Good luck & hope all goes well.

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